High school not-so-confidential

So I missed my high school reunion. While it would have been lovely to catch up with folks who in many respects defined an important period of my life, I realized that now is just too soon. I don't know how long is considered "long enough" after someone close to you dies before you feel right attending larger events, being among people and generally being your usual smiley-happy self. But I do know that I'm not quite there yet.

We attended a family wedding in New York last week. It was probably too soon, as well, but it was my cousin's wedding, and being there was incredibly important for us all. Her mom, my aunt, is my late dad's sister, and in an extended family where not everyone seems to appreciate the fact that we are, indeed, family, my aunt and uncle were - and still are - always there and always a central part of our and our kids' lives. It was tough to be part of a celebration so soon after losing my father, but I'm so glad we went.

As we wrestled with whether or not to also attend the reunion, we realized it just didn't rate on the same plane as my cousin's wedding. At the risk of offending the organizers - and I'm sure we did, but whatever - we simply didn't see ourselves pretending to be happy shiny people at this thing. Had the timing been different, we would have been there in a heartbeat, and I would have come back with a memory card filled with photos and a head full of fond memories to boot.

But the timing wasn't different. Life sucks that way, sometimes. And as I endure the torrent of "gee, you should have been there" e-mails, Facebook messages, Tweets and IMs over the next week or so, I'll have to keep in mind that not everyone gets that being among the crowd is the last thing I want or need at this early stage. Some folks get that some days I still need to be alone, and some folks don't. And some folks don't bother to take the time to read.

I'm learning, slowly, that I don't necessarily need to waste cycles trying to make everyone aware. It just doesn't matter.